"40 Ounces of Malt Liquor Make Me Want To Tell You Something"

I have a problem when people tell me what they need to go to the bathroom to do. They say things like “I need to go pee/take a piss.” I do not care. We have an all-inclusive phrase to say where someone is going and we do not need to know what you are going to do there, we can assume that part.

Girls love to be cute about this phrase and say things like I need to go pee. Or the endearing I need to piddle. I do not care what you are going to do in the bathroom. Do your human function to expel waste, check your make-up, cry. I do not want to know what you are doing in the bathroom.

Guys are not any better about this problem. They make up dipshit euphemisms for urinating such as “I need to drain the lizard” or “snake” or some other animal that also needs draining. Sir, why are you draining a lizard? PETA would be ashamed. On top of this, why would you want to characterize you penis as something scaly or slimy that eats bugs and small rodents?

Both sexes are guilty (in my opinion women more than men are). If someone were to tell you they were “going to go eat,” what is the next logical question? Where? Stop telling me what you are going to do and tell me where you are going first. If I want to know what you are going to do at that place then you can answer the follow-up. Next time someone says one of the above mentioned phrases ask them where. Better yet, try to guess where. Your interaction should lead you to something like this:

Man: I need to take a piss.
You: Oh where? On a young girl? Okay R. Kelly! Make sure you get that little lady a towel after.

::GR Out::
fortunately for themselves and for the world, nearly all men are cowards and dare not act on what they believe. nearly all our disasters come of a few fools having the "courage of their convictions. ~coventry patmore~